Someone once asked me what it is like having a tbi
After thinking for a minute I replied
It's like never feeling hundred percent, there is always something going on in your head that keeps you from feeling your hundred percent self. basically you are there but can't process everything or can't complete a thought. your emotions are always running haywire or not at all. every emotion you feel is tenfold in intensity: happiness, sadness, anger, desires, pain, and not being able to gauge the extent of each of these feelings.
being mentally present in the conversation but not being able to focus long enough to form a response, nonetheless to find the right words to say. when you do, they come out out of order
brain injury is never feeling like you can relate to anyone on a deep level feeling alone and rejected, knowing that most of the people you meet arent going to have the patience or empathy to understand or accept you. the frustration that people that have with you from time to time, actually most of the time. makes you not want to talk to anyone new.
TBI is knowing that you will never be 100% percent and doing your best to accept that.
On the outside you may appear to be confident and able but having a TBI is knowing that what they don't see is that most days the best you can do is your 60% self
.Personally for me the hardest part about having sustained the tbi so early in life is that it is all I have ever know. The symptoms and the struggle are only going to get worse as time goes on. I fear for what is going to be left of my executive functioning and memory by the age of even 40-50.
I was having a talk with someone earlier today and they talked about the advantages of having a mellow partner when you are a hectic person yourself, to create a balance.
An earlier conversation with someone else had to do with having an introverted partner when you are an extrovert yourself that is the only way I can make sense of the saying opposites attract.
at work one day in the nursing home I had asked a matured friend what the biggest advice she could give me was that advice was to not try to make everything happen so fast but to enjoy the time because it is something that you cannot get back. Further explaining she said that your teens are for developing yourself 20s are for learning yourself and what you want out of life 30s are for learning what the world is likeand building a future with someone and then the 40s and 50s are enjoying that life. Then so on, is a slower pace of that before becoming slower and to enjoy the end of life. Im going to do my best to live by this basic timeline, because it sure does make alot of sense.
I was having a conversation with another mature friend of mine end he told me not to give grief to anyone but to accept them for who and how they are. Him and his entire family proved that to me over the course of six months. they also taught me what unconditional love is. I learned what being humble really means.
Unconditional love, to my understanding is loving someone despite the qualities and flaws that they have. Despite how they are reacting to a situation that they are put into. Regardless of where they are in their life, love them, help them. Dont think yourself to be better than anyone, dont be selfish. That is what being humble is.
Conversation with friends that are around my age are very different. I seem to know what they are talking about more because i have expirience in the subjects. Or have have talked to someone with expirience in the subjects. One of the conversations involved making the choice to be positive rather than negative, as far as life style goes..
If you are going to lead a positive life, you need to have a positive mind.
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